I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (About Not Being Able to Get Pussy)

Poems Written by the Socially Inept are the Sweetest, Most Bitter

The 2004 Withered Peck Poetry Conference took place over the weekend of August 21-22 at the Seattle Convention Center, bringing together scores of the most acclaimed socially inept poets from around the world. The purpose of the conference, however, was not so much to celebrate poetry as it was to offer the participants a distraction from the staggering unpleasantness of their failed daily lives.

That is not to say that there was no poetry present at the conference. In fact, the hosts of the conference have been gracious enough to give SociallyInept.com exclusive first-publishing rights to the following select set of poems worthy enough to receive the 2004 Withered Peck Cup of Excellence. With their notoriously short attention spans, most of the poets' submissions were quite brief; but that in no way diminished the genius evident in each winning entry.

The Train of Love
by Jackson Stealth

I want to slide my long black choo-choo train
Up in yo business
That ain't no metaphor
I have a real Burlington Northern train that I'm going to drive into your vagina

 

My Stripper Angel
by Jeff Bode

O Cherry, spreading your wings (legs, whatever)
You have become my life's greatest endeavor
Why do you not see me----here to end your whoredom?
I'm right next to those guys with disposable income.

 

Through God's Eyes, Everything Is Small
by Simon Perez

Don't think of my sensitive manhood as small
If it were a clit, 'twould be biggest of all!
'Tis merely a matter of how you would view it----
And if fortune should smile on me----greasily screw it.

 

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings (About Not Being Able to Get Pussy)
by Erickson Anonical

The caged bird sings with desperate flow
of things unseen, like pussy, yo
I'm hard like a year-old cheerio,
I would even fuck Maya Angelou.