SociallyInept.com

The Spectrum of Cheating Rationales
(or...Why Her Answer to "Did You Cheat on me?" is Always "No.")

1)    I assumed you knew that Paul and I would be naked at the hot springs.  Everyone gets naked at the hot springs.  There's nothing wrong with me being naked around other guys.  God, you're an asshole.

2)    Oh for Chrissakes, you aren't seriously upset because some guy gave me a backrub, are you?

3)    Yeah, we kissed, but that's not cheating.  Jesus, people in Europe kiss strangers all the time and you don't see them freaking out and going 'Oh god I thought I could trust you!'  Get a grip, you fucking caveman.

4)    Darling, you know I would never cheat on you.  And you know Jeff respects our relationship-----that's why I only gave him a blowjob, don't you see?

5)    Oh, baby, that's so cute that you're crying just because me and Stu dry-humped.

6)    Anal sex is not cheating.  It's more like shitting in reverse.

7)    Well, if John hadn't been wearing a condom, I'd say that he was fucking me; but technically, we didn't even touch.  Goddamn, you're making me feel like a whore, you paranoid, conservative fuckface.

8)    No, Josh didn't wear a condom.  But he didn't come either-----no way that that's cheating.

9)    Yeah, so Doug and I had unprotected sex and he came in me.  Maybe if I'd become pregnant, it would have been cheating.

10)   I know your best friend made me pregnant.  And I concede it would have been cheating if I hadn't aborted the little fucker.

11)   I fell out of love with you only moments before I had sex with your best friend and spawned a bastard hellion named Shank.  Hence, it was not cheating.