SociallyInept.com

        Friday, August 4, 2000

Sociallyinept.com Exclusive!!!

Strippers are Sometimes Not Truthful

 After three years of exhaustive research, SociallyInept.com has discovered that strippers will occasionally say things to their customers that aren't completely true.

The Bluest Balls

Jerry Tucker of Northridge, California, is one such customer.  He has threatened legal action against Sugar's Nightclub in Seattle, Washington for "gross misrepresentation, including but not limited to: false lust, deceitful eye-fluttering, and insincere moaning".  The charges stem from Mr. Tucker's recent encounter with "Starla", a stripper at Sugar's.
"She totally lied to me!" Tucker rants.  "She said I was cute and that she couldn't understand how I could still be single.  So after I ran out of money, you'd think she'd come home with me, right?  Wrong!!!  The bitch gets up and goes over to give a lap dance to some Mexican!"  Tucker later added, "That cunt!"

Typical and Widespread

Far from being a unique occurrence, it is evident that this brand of insincerity is commonplace among strippers nationwide.  For the edification of our readers, we present to you a list of the most common lies told by "exotic dancers" around the country (in no particular order):

1) "You're pretty cute"
2) "You're the only customer I've ever let touch my gash.  Don't tell!!!" 
3) "I noticed you when you came into the club.  I thought, 'Wow'." 
4) "I don't secretly have a dick."
5) "Don't be silly.  I think your cold sore is kinda sexy.  It shows that you have experience."
6) "You're the only customer I've ever let flick my nips.  Don't tell!!!"

 More Wicked, the Truth

However, if we want to take a glimpse at a society in which strippers are completely honest, we need only look to Texas.  Two years ago, in Galveston, Texas, a city ordinance was enacted which required local strippers to be truthful in all situations.  Though it has protected Galveston nightclubs from bitter litigation, it has also turned a simple lap dance into a wretchedly unpleasant experience.  The following excerpt is from an actual conversation that took place between a stripper and her client during a lap dance in Galveston.  Due to the personal nature of the dialogue, we have elected to withhold the identity of the gentleman involved.

CRYSTAL:  So, what do you put on this socially inept website of yours?
ANONYMOUS:  Stupid shit, mostly.  Stories and stuff.
CRYSTAL:  Sounds pretty dumb.  
ANONYMOUS:   Thanks.
CRYSTAL:  You've got one of those Li'l Smokies happening here, don't you?
ANONYMOUS:  Come again?
CRYSTAL:  You've got a serious case of "littledick".
ANONYMOUS:  Why don't you just shut the fuck up!!!
CRYSTAL:  Uh-oh!  Socially Inept Guy's mad and now his chubby's going away!!!  HA HA!!!
ANONYMOUS:  Don't call me that!!!  I'll fucking kill you!!!
CRYSTAL:  Bobby!  I got a psycho over here!
BOBBY:  <soundly kicks ANONYMOUS' ass>
ANONYMOUS:  Ow, my ass!!!