Parables for the Socially Inept

Here we have collected some of our favorite short stories which we believe may have some relevance to the socially inept.  Some are fictional morality tales, some are fictional immorality tales; but most of them are true stories of rotten experiences we had with women before we finally decided to give up.  Enjoy.

The Second Grade Douche-Bag
Every fuckface has a beginning. This is mine.

Leakage
What comes in must come out.

Open-Minded Steve
Sometimes, profound unhappiness is the price a man must pay for the privilege of dating a truly awful woman.

I Met a Mountain
No-priders can come in all shapes and sizes...especially very large shapes and sizes.

I Also Met That Mountain
When you have a regrettable fling with the same massive girl that your friend did, you're allowed to hide behind the same metaphor.

The Frigid Whore
Just because your girlfriend won't have sex with you doesn't mean she isn't a slut.

I Hope So
A not particularly inspiring fable about the worst answer a man can give to the worst question a man can be asked.

Enlightenment
A weak-willed man gives in to the evil wiles of a horny physics major.

Unexpected Gayness
Just when life seems to be going your way, you find that you've become the meat in a gay sandwich.

The Son of Feminism
A fond pastime for the socially inept is to look back in hindsight on those moments when, were it not for our shocking incompetence, we might have easily scored some action.  Another fond pastime is to masturbate to those memories.

The Thick Nigiri - by James Ellroy
In 2001, renowned author James Ellroy offered us his brief and unsolicited take on social ineptitude. We initially hesitated to publish it due to it having certain inconsistencies with the tone of SociallyInept.com, but also because we are not particularly well-read and had never heard of James Ellroy before. We were recently forced to reconsider our no-publish stance when it was brought to our attention that we "never fucking update the website".