Word on the street was that Regan had recently divorced, a stroke of good fortune for Jimmy Pissfork since he needed a date for an upcoming party.  Having reached psycho-caller frequency, Jimmy finally spoke with Regan on his ninth call of the afternoon, and she said she would love to go with him on the morrow.
    Now Jimmy reflected on all their previous encounters.  They had met on the shuttle bus that Jimmy took every Tuesday evening after closing the Kollege Kandy Kounter, which the students affectionately referred to as the KKK.  During their weekly conversations on the shuttle, Jimmy had become captivated by her mouth and by her surprising lack of disgust for him.  Jimmy should have known something was awry.
    In preparation for an evening of debauchery, Jimmy acquired liquor through the usual means of a minor ---- bribing a twenty-one-year-old friend.  Regan arrived to pick Jimmy up on time and went up to Jimmy's most modest apartment, which was also home to Jimmy's equally ineffectual friend, Andy Nutcup, and many ants.  Not knowing Regan had already taken an anti-depressant/muscle relaxant cocktail, Jimmy persuaded her to join him for a Long Island Iced Tea before heading to the party.  This led to a terrifying drive to the event, where not even the close proximity of club-sluts could pry Jimmy's eyes from Regan's cleavage.  Jimmy and Regan drank with gusto, and Jimmy didn't mind the equally frightening drive home.  When being dropped off, Jimmy, as usual, was too paralyzed by fear to even try to kiss Regan goodnight, so he simply thanked her for a nice time and returned to his abode alone.
    The next day, Jimmy was undecided as to whether or not he should call Regan.  Since Jimmy spent the day pursuing the true object of his affection, a ghastly woman named Elsa, to no avail, he did not have any opportunity to phone her.  However, when Jimmy returned, he discovered Regan had left several messages.  Jimmy was dumbfounded.  Did this mean he might actually get to have sex with a woman who wasn't a stripper?  Overwhelmed with excitement and a massive build-up of jizz, Jimmy phoned Regan, who agreed to go to Jimmy's place for drinks.  Jimmy had decided to try his coup de resistance ---- drinking on the apartment rooftop overlooking downtown.  His plan proved to be effective, and Jimmy spent the night nudging tongues with Regan with mongrel-like appeal.
    While laying side by side on the rooftop, Jimmy's arms around what he perceived to be a close-at-hand sexual conquest, he heard an unexpected and damning question:
    "So, does this mean we're going out?"
    Never in his life had Jimmy been expected to decide something so important in an instant.  To either hesitate or express his true feelings of, "Are you kidding me?" would certainly mean no sex tonight.  Conversely, Jimmy lacked the manly instinct to tell an unequivocal lie and say with conviction, "Yes", which he would immediately recant after defiling her.  Lacking the ability to determine his own fate, the inept Jimmy squeaked out, "I hope so," a phrase  which damned  him to a relationship chock full of misery.
    Jimmy and Regan returned to Jimmy's apartment, and she straddled him fully clothed.  Soon Andy emerged from the depths of his nook of squalor to observe the aforementioned sight.  Regan soon left, and Jimmy related the events leading to his acquisition of a freshly divorced, strange voice-hearing, anti-depressant-taking girlfriend, all because he was in the pursuit of coitus.  Andy howled with derisive laughter at Jimmy's classic mistake, the infamous "I hope so".  Then Andy proceeded to recount how those devil-implanted words had once resulted in an unwanted girlfriend for him as well.
    Jimmy spent the next year and a half bitching to Andy about what a bad girlfriend he had, except for a brief period when he professed to love her with all his heart.  But Andy saw through the facade, knowing fully well how a man lies to himself to convince himself he is happy in a relationship.  
    Jimmy was finally freed after a several month bout with Prozac and Regan's fortnight in the loony bin, when he realized he was better off without her.  Jimmy relieved himself from bondage during the drive home, much to Regan's chagrin.