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Excuses

When someone asks why you're still single, it is best to have an excuse already prepared; otherwise, you will inevitably stumble over your words trying to think of a convincing lie.  You can be certain that you yet again will be asked, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"  So get those bastards off your case with any one of these tried and true alternatives to the painful, "Because I'm a loser."

 
bullet What?  You mean like that fat-ugly thing that's always following you around?
bullet Fuck you, dad!!!
bullet Dillinger had a girlfriend----look where it got him!
bullet Samson had a girlfriend----look where it got him!
bullet John Wayne Bobbitt had a girlfriend----look where it got him!
bullet Joey Buttafuoco had a girlfriend----look where it got him!
bullet Roman Polanski had a girlfriend----look where it got him!
bullet Chris & Aaron had girlfriends----look where it got them!
bullet I'm not going to bother with a girlfriend until I've made my first million.
bullet I'm not gay!!!
bullet Why?  So she can spend BOTH our money?
bullet Y'know, between going to work and going to strip clubs, I just don't think I'd have time for a girlfriend.
bullet I'm just too busy messing around with your wife.
bullet Why?  So I can lose all my dignity like you?
bullet And give up my freedom to go whoring?
bullet What?  Um...excuse me just a moment..." [Curl up into the fetal position and weep balefully.]
bullet I want to do my future wife the favor of letting her have some thin years before I date her and she starts to balloon up like a fucking whale!